The problem and the fault is all theirs. You are a special, beautiful person that everyone should honor and respect. Now…you’re a survivor. Your focus must be on your recovery, not your abuse. I hope you find your help. You didn’t deserve how you were treated. You will help to find a happy life…even after abuse.

Abuse is the action of a weak person who uses a position of authority, influence or physical strength to control their victim and commit emotional, violent or sexual acts upon them. The actions committed vary with each abuser, from neglect, intimidation and threat, to sexual or physical violence.

The abusers also vary with respect to choice of victim, from close family members (most common) to total strangers, and from infants to senior citizens. Most abusers stay within their chosen type of victim and type of abuse, though many, if left unchecked, will escalate to a more serious form of abuse. For example, a physical abuser may escalate from intimidation and threat, to throwing things, to hitting, choking, rape, and even murder.

Without intervention, sexual abusers have a very high tendency to escalate the severity of their abuse. This is why it’s very important to identify an abusive relationship early and get professional help and accountability to the authorities for the abuser. It can save the lives of the victims and the abusers.

Each of our recovery pages is designed to help you get it stopped, then get help to recover. As embarrassing and humiliating as it is for others to know what’s going on, it’s the only way to get it stopped so you can start healing.

“I am the one I have been looking for.” –Iyanla Vanzant

We spend so much of our time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. You will draw to you exactly what you create in life, and what you believe you are worthy of. So loving yourself can create love in your life.

Take a realistic evaluation of yourself.

Be honest with yourself about how valuable you believe you are as a person.

The way you see yourself and treat yourself is the very way others will see you and treat you. Do you see yourself as valuable, worthy of the gift of love? More importantly, do you treat yourself lovingly and as a valuable being? It’s ok to be truthful with yourself, it may not be pretty! Awareness is the first and more powerful step on the path to change!

Forgive yourself if you ever believe you aren’t worthy of love. After all, there were probably things in your childhood or previous years that created that belief for you. It simply isn’t true; every being on this planet is worthy of love, after all, love is what we are here for, it’s what it’s all about.

Say to yourself now; “I forgive myself for believing that I was not worthy of love.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself, look yourself right in the eyes and say it like you mean it. Go on, I’ll wait.

Post this affirmation up someplace where you will see it each and every day; “I have the courage to believe that I am worthy of love.” Read it out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice it. Sticky notes are fabulous for affirmations.

Take action and make those words real.

Begin loving and valuing yourself.

It is said that you cannot give away what you do not have.

So, if you are not able to love and accept yourself unconditionally, how in the world are you going to love and accept anyone else unconditionally? Much less accept that love in return from them? Remember that love is not a feeling, it is a choice! Make the choice to love yourself.

After all, who deserves it more? The more loving you are to yourself, the more loving you will be able to be to everyone around you. Family and friends will especially benefit from this. Make a choice to come from a place of love for yourself and for everyone who is important in your life.

Think about what you need to fill that emptiness inside, that place that is longing for love.

What specifically do you need? Find the answer and then give it to yourself. No one is more capable of loving you, and giving you exactly what you need than you are! When you learn how to fulfill yourself in that way, you stop searching for it outside of yourself and you suddenly begin attracting it to you!

You change yourself from a sponge to a magnet!

People see you radiating self love and they are drawn to you!

Instead of negating their thoughts, you may need to stop and look at your partner’s actions. Answer these questions about your partner:

Are you discouraged from talking with friends/family?

Does he always insist on going everywhere with you?

Do you have to discuss activity plans, people you will be with, and why you are going to do something with him before you can do them?

Does he have problems with your success?

Does he react negatively to people in positions of authority?

Does he believe that the man is the head of the house?

Does he belittle you?

Does he blame you if things happen?

Does he negate your opinion?

Does he make you feel guilty?

Does he call you names?

Does he lose his temper and throw things or hit objects?

Have you ever seen this person become violent in a situation with someone else?

Does he get violent when he drinks?

Is your partner jealous of your time, your career, other people in your life?

Does he play mind games with you?

Does he believe the myths about domestic violence?

Believe that sex is his right, whether or not you agree to it?

Does he come from an abusive home? Does he come from a dysfunctional home?

Now look at your own actions and reactions. Answer these questions about yourself:

Do you have low self-esteem?

Do you believe in traditional, stereotypical, man-as-the-head-of-the-house roles?

Do you accept responsibility for arguments?

Do you believe the myths about domestic violence?

Do you feel guilty if he becomes enraged or jealous, or that you may have caused his actions?

Do you allow yourself to be controlled because you believe the person would not do it if they didn’t love you?

Do you believe jealousy is proof of love?

While all of these indicators are emotional, remember that emotional abuse is often the first one used. This nearly always escalates and becomes a physical form of abuse. It always involves control – one partner controlling the actions of the other. If this kind of behavior is present , you could have a potentially abusive situation that will only GET WORSE as the relationship progresses.

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, you may have a problem. These are only warning signs to help you decide if you want/need help. They do not mean that an abusive situation will happen. However, if these actions are present, you both need to seek separate, outside, impartial counseling. You both need to accept the responsibility that each of you play in this situation. He needs to recognize that abuse is not acceptable and you need to recognize that you can’t enable his actions.

Of course, every family has arguments. In fact, it’s rare when a family doesn’t have some rough times, disagreements, and anger. Punishments and discipline – like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room – are normal in most families. It becomes a problem, though, when the punishment is physically or emotionally damaging. That’s called abuse.

Abused teens often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. They may perform poorly at school because they are angry or frightened or because they don’t care or can’t concentrate.

Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Some abused teens become depressed. Some may engage in self-destructive behavior, such as cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They may even attempt suicide.

It’s normal for people who have been abused by the people they love to not only feel upset but also confused about what happened to them. They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves, especially if the abuse is sexual. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame it on them.

Abusers often try to manipulate the people they’re abusing into either thinking the abuse is their fault or to keep the abuse quiet. An abuser might say things like: “This is a secret between you and me,” or “If you ever tell anybody, I’ll hurt you or your mom,” or “You’re going to get in trouble if you tell. No one will believe you and you’ll go to jail for lying.” This is the abuser’s way of making a person feel like nothing can be done so that he or she won’t take any action to stop or report the abuse.

People who are abused may have trouble getting help because it means they’d be reporting on someone they love – someone who may be wonderful much of the time and awful to them only some of the time. So abuse often goes unreported.

What Should Someone Who’s Being Abused Do?
People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn’t protect a person from being abused – it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.

If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust – a family member, a friend, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or an adult who works with youth at school or in a place of worship. Many teachers and counselors, for instance, have training in how to recognize and report abuse.

Telephone directories list local child abuse and family violence hotline numbers that you can call for help. There’s also Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD ([800] 422-4453).

Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it’s sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend.

People who are experiencing abuse often feel weird or alone. But they’re not. No one deserves to be abused. Getting help and support is an important first step to change the situation. Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops. Working with a therapist is one way for a person to sort through the complicated feelings and reactions that being abused creates, and the process can help to rebuild feelings of safety, confidence, and self-esteem.

Whether abuse is overt or covert, it is about control. Aggression is primitive and immature reactions to a sense of helplessness and feeling a loss of control. Abuse, violet and non – violent is used to keep a sense of safety for the abuser.

Covert abuse sly and underhanded. It is hard to identify and requires long term observation in some situations. It is made up of a few actions and creates an atmosphere of intimidation, uncertainty and perplexity in its victim.

There are many types of abuse a spouse can inflict upon another spouse. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse and financial abuse are some common ones. Below are some guidelines that will help you identify and the different types of abuse.

Ambient Abuse:
Living in an atmosphere of fear, intimidation and unpredictability.

Is He Abusive?
You’re not crazy. By creating an atmosphere of abuse the abuser avoids direct acts of abuse such as striking their spouse. They can maintain control by manipulating the spouse with threats. Such an environment will erode the victim’s self – worth and self – confidence. In such situations, the abuser’s actions are often referred to as “crazy making” behavior. The victim feels as if they are going crazy but can’t quite put their finger on the reason.

Some examples of ambient abuse would be withholding affection or intimacy, rolling their eyes when you express an opinion or criticizing your actions, “for your own good.”

Disproportionate Abuse:
Does your spouse react with a violent rage to the slightest upset? If your spouse’s reactions to events are exaggerated then you are living with abuse that is disproportionate to the imaged offense. In a situation like this, it does not matter how gently you try to communicate an issue with your spouse, they will respond with a temper tantrum. Your abuser will get your attention and cause intimidation when they react by throwing things, slamming doors, getting in your face or screaming and yelling.

Impossible Situations:
The abuser engineer’s impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is needed, depended on or considered the only source of authority, knowledge, skills, or useful traits. Consequently, the abuser generates his own indispensability. In his/her mind and yours, you are completely dependent on him and you should never forget it. The moment you do, he will find someway to put you in your place again.

Objectification:
Most abusers lack empathy. They dehumanize and treat people like inane objects, extensions of themselves, or instruments to be played as they wish. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuses are all forms of dehumanization and objectification. They view their victim as nothing more than a comfortable, old chair that can be easily discarded should it become uncomfortable. In other words, their level of comfort is their only concern and they will sell you down the river to hold onto that comfort.

Abuse By Proxy:
An abuser will recruit friends, neighbors, family members, the police, the media…anyone he can find to threaten you, harass you and manipulate you into doing what they want.

This kind of abuse is often played out in divorce court. A spouse will hire an adversarial attorney to try and punish you. He/she will lie under oath to try and get a judge to rule against you in hopes that you will suffer legal and social sanctions. Of course, before you even went to court they had turned your friends and family against you with lies and manipulations. With a spouse like this, you are lucky to be going through a divorce.

Q2.Do you think setting goals/resolutions is realistic in managing diabetes?
I think if you know you can do it and its a reasonable goal/resolution that it doesn’t hurt for it to be made or aimed for.

Q3. Do you share your goals/resolutions with your health care team?
My Endo knows that I need to get my A1C down, he’s the one who keeps at be to get it lower, so ya he knows my goal of getting it down within range.

Q4. What keeps you motivated to reach and maintain your goals/resolutions…take care of yourself?
Being around and living a long life with my husband is one of the reasons behind it. But I also wont to avoid complications for as long as possible if at all possible, which means being proactive in my own care and what I do with my life and health.

Q4.5 How do you motivate people for what needs to be done, today? (people who need short term motivation) via @iamsquee
I do what I can by giving encouragement as needed and in general trying to live by example.

Q5. list 3 words for 2012. (diabetes)
A1C, Glucose, Control

Q6. Pick one of your 3 words…and expand on that selection. What does that word mean to you and your vision for 2012?
Control it means that I am going to own more of what I am doing in my own care when it comes to getting my numbers into range. I have been slacking in my own care and in some denial over it as well. I need to stop and be real and start controlling things better for my own life and health (no matter the financial cost now if I don’t it will cost much more later on in life), which is easer said then dun. However, I am going to try my best to keep things flowing in the right direction and to keep myself towing the line that I need to tow.

Well its the start of a new year, that’s right it is now 2012 the year that things are to happen, or so the media and other’s would have us believe. Weather it does or doesn’t remains to be seen, but regardless of if its truth or not the year will still be interesting for everyone to what ever degree because its just part of life in general.

With some of that in mind every year people make new year resolutions and every year those resolutions don’t get followed or if they do its for a short period of time and not necessary for long term (yes some people make good on them, but not many it does seem), which is why I try and make goals for myself each year because I know setting goals for myself means I will try my hardest to meet them.

Each year since 2006 I have had the goal of lousing 20 pounds within the year, and for the most part I might not have lost that amount, but I did louse so at least the idea of the goal was still on my mind and though not meet was honored. Same goes for finding employment, I’ve been making that a goal since finishing collage back in 2003 and every year something does come along, but anything on a perm basis seam’s to be but a dream (seasonal employment seam’s to the common deal or something which is not great, but work is work when all is said and dun).

Thus like in years pass my goals for this year are…
* Find employment (aim for full time perm, but seasonal will be taken as will part time)
* Louse 20 pounds (which would put me in the 230s which I think is reasonable)
* Gain better control over my glucose (as in get my A1Cs lower, with a 7 goal by end of the year)

I have other things that I would like to happen as well such as moving out with N to a place of our own, but like a lot of things this depends on the cost of living and where either of us are working and who’s pulling the higher figure income, as in if its me and its outside of the city we’d likely have to move, but if its him then staying with my folks would be the wisest economic stance to take (though frustrating at the same time).

I know that times are not easy right now and that the economy isn’t as positive as it was in years gone by, but I still have hope that things will turn around for us and that we will both find gainful employment that we enjoy that is beyond seasonal (not to say seasonal isn’t good, it just seems that seasonal = 10 weeks of employment then back to hunting for something else, while still trying to pay ones bills).

Well I hope that this new year is good to you and good to N and I as well, write more as time does pass.

Take care everyone,
Nyx

I know that I am not in favor of parents in general using the term childfree nor the term childless when they on a temp basis do not have their child or children with them – to me they are still parents regardless of if their children are or are not with them, its just part of being a parent once you have a child that is what you are, you can not be childfree or childless (unless said child passes away for what ever reason, then well that’s a different matter entirely which I am so NOT getting into).

I know full well that those of us who do use the term childfree to denote that we do not have children and never wish to have children, just like there are those who use the term childless to mean the same thing, or to mean that they currently do not wish to have children but sometime in the future would like to become a parent or for others who use the term because they wish that they could be a parent but for what ever reason can’t so see that using childless is the correct term to use.

Regardless of what hash-tag people use there will always be those who get upset over its use for what ever reason under the sun can be found. Only thing I know for myself is that if I really wished to have a child but because my body can’t do that anymore (not that it really ever could thanks to medical issues) hearing those who are parents put down those who use the term childless would make me feel very upset, big time if it is still something that I was trying to come to term with or about.

I find it very insensitive for some parents to say various things about those who can’t have children so have embraced a life not of their choice, getting put down because you choose to use childfree over childless can and does hurt some people because within the childfree community many have found friends and the help to move on from what “nature” denied them for what ever reason (and saying adoption is always an option, is wrong because its not always the case – adoption isn’t always an option for various reasons that I just am not going to go into that is another blog post entirely).

I can’t say that I like all the use of childfree that I see or some of the association that has been given to the term, such as “child haters”, “anti-children” and other’s that some parent’s and in some cases those within the community itself have stated and or used. Yes there are those who do not like children and wish they didn’t have to see or hear them out in public, but that is a small number of people who use the term childfree its not all of us who use it, some of us are infertile and have come to terms with not being able to be parents so have tried to embrace the childfree side of things, or some of us have known for years that being a parents isn’t right for us so made the choice not to have them by any means possible, then there are those of us who though happen stance of life just never found the partner to have a child with or that said partner already had children who are grown or just themselves couldn’t have them.

What gets my goat at times is the comments that we must hate or dislike our parents for brining us into this world if we wish not to be parents ourselves, well I know a few people who this might well be the reason they at childfree, but for the main part I can’t say that this is the case that I’ve seen or heard from those I’ve talked with (at least within my local community), some of us love our folks we just lack the drive or need to be a parent which has no reflection on our parents or how we where brought up. I few people I know had to actually raise children of other family members and that in and of itself put them off in having their own children (which is in part my husbands case).

My folks where childless, they wonted to become parents and they tried for a number of years and even tried to adopt a child (which fell though at the last moment) they finally had given up and said if it happens it happens if not so be it they will make the best of life has been given to them. Several years later mom gets the news that I’m on the way but do to her age it might not be a valid pregnancy so she might have to terminate it if things don’t go well, but the fates smiles on my folks and I was born but unfortunately as some would see it the fates played that cruel joke on them making me unable to have a child myself and having me with a lack of interest in being a parent to boot (which to me isn’t a bad thing, but for them it was hard to hear as they had wished to be grandparents at some point in their lives – though that has changed over the years to being glad that they aren’t or so my mom says to me time and time again).

So for me I see it as we all make a choice in life, some of those choices are not very popular with those around us or the world in general, but we have made a choice, just like someone who has made the choice to have a child, bring it into this world and to keep it and to raise it. Being a Parent is a Choice, being Childfree for most is also a Choice. One can argue semantics to the cows come home and beyond, it doesn’t change the fact that some people will view things one way while other’s will view it in a different light – its just how things are on this planet at least how it does seem to me.

Q2. How do you manage the holiday carbs and desserts? does meal planning help?
Same as I manage it day to day any day of the week

Q3. How do you manage holiday stress and diabetes?
Same as any stress its handled as it comes and not to well in most cases (right now my life is stressful every day that its playing havoc with my system and not in a good way)

Q4. Do you have any traveling tips?
No, because I don’t tend to do much in the way of traveling during this time of year

Q5. Do you have words of encourgement for people living with diabetes that may experience depression during the holidays? websites?
No sorry, only thing I can think of treat it like youwould any weeken